I drove nervously in the busy Atlanta traffic.

I didn't really understand why because other than my physical anxiety emotionally I felt numb. I waited my whole life for this one moment. Why did I not feel excited, scared, or even adventurous? I felt my fiance's eyes on me and tried to focus on the six lanes of traffic instead. He was giving me that look that said, "You're shutting me out again...Hello? My name is your other half, the one you can't fool?" I took a ragged breath as I parked the car. I knew it was coming. Don't lose it Kate. You don't do that, remember? Other idiots would, but not you because you have something to prove.

He gingerly reached for my hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. "You ok?" he asked. In twelve days we would be married, and the day could not have come soon enough for me. The stress of a new job, finishing my last semester of college, tying the knot, and oh yeah, meeting the woman who gave birth to me but I hadn't ever met before and was about to me in 10 minutes was about do me in.

My father had instructed me as to where exactly in the busy Hartsfield-Jackson Atlanta International Airport I needed to wait for this reunion. "If you want, I'll go with you," he had sweetly offered. Why were so many people worried about me? I was fine. Really.

I stood calmly at the base of the huge set of escalators. My stomach sank as the first few passengers from the South American flight began riding down towards us. I felt his teary eyes staring at me as he pulled me closer and said, "This is it. You ready?" Thank you Lord for three years of acting classes. I shrugged nonchalantly, "I guess."

 

***

"When the time came to completion, God sent His Son, born of a woman, born under the law, to redeem those under the law, so that we might receive adoption as sons. And because you are sons, God has sent the Spirit of His Son into our hearts, crying, “Abba, Father!”

Galations 4:4-6

I feel so blessed to have been hand chosen for as beautiful a family as the Cashions. They took me into their home, and cared for me like I was their own flesh and blood. I have been asked many times, "When did they tell you...you know. That you were...adopted?" And I always respond, "I don't know. I just always knew." It's kind of like knowing your colors, or trying to remember when you learned Jesus Loves Me, I just always was told that I was special. My two big sisters, fifteen years my senior (but don't tell them that, they still think they are in their twenties too ;), dressed me up like a baby doll and passed me around to their classmates at school showing me off. They loved me, and kissed me, and to this day have never made me feel like I was Cinderella, they my stepsisters. I wouldn't have this any other way.

If you are thinking about adoption or you have adopted, and are thinking about not telling the child this fact, I would have to strongly discourage that. Being adopted never made me feel strange or unwanted, it made me feel loved and special. Don't get me wrong, I have my issues that I struggle with, but none of them are related to the fact that my parents never kept my adoption a secret. I only ever loved them more for choosing me when they didn't have to.  

I think this is partly why God sent Jesus the way He did. How much love He demonstrated to us by sending His one and only "biological" son to die for us - the orphans. Christ redeemed us! Praise God I have been adopted twice! We now can have fellowship with Him as His children. I, an heir to the thrown with Christ (Romans 8::22-23,29-30). My Father loves me and He set me apart.

Sometimes, I don't know where I belong. I grew up in a Caucasian family, but I look more like Jennifer Lopez (perhaps a slight exaggeration, but I can dream can't I?), and have often been called mixed.. Yet when I go to Venezuela, they call me a "Gringa" (or white girl). This I have often struggled with, but one thing I have never been confused about it is my identity in Christ. No mater what anyone else thinks about the ethnicity written in my passport, God calls me His.

He chose me. He loved me. Redeemed me. In Him, I am unabandoned.

 

***

I am no one special. I'm not an accomplished author. As much as I love the theatre, I have never been on Broadway or starred in an Oscar nominated film. But I do have a story, and just like each one of you it is unique. For now I would like to share with you the story of how I was unabandoned.

I wanted to write this blog because I know many other adoptees like myself, as well as many families who have chosen to adopt. Adoption is a big thing right now, and while I am all for it, I want those who are doing the adopting to understand exactly what they are doing and what that means for the life they have stepped into and radically changed forever.

If you know me you know that I am a very private person, and for me to share such an intimate part of myself is not easy. I am not comfortable sitting down and talking about certain aspects of my adoption experience. Yet the Lord has laid on my heart this need to share my story that I might in some way speak to those like myself and their families, and also that through writing I might find healing.

My goal is to write for twelve months, at least once a month on the different issues and experiences associated with adoption. I am a type A personality, so setting a goal like that is pretty important for me :). If this helps you in some way please share that with me, as it will greatly encourage me to keep going. If you have a specific question or problem, don't hesitate to ask and I will happily do what I can to respond and help. I want this to be informative and educational.
 

Thank you for reading,

 
Kate